Second Chance

I will take note of yesterday (July 19) because it's one of the best days of my life. The day when I received the answer to my question. I was requested by Dra. Diane Sarmiento, my ob-gyne, to come to her clinic yesterday because of a call from my office's HR department. Our HR manager wanted her to revise the medical certificate she issued, allowing me to work from home. Dra. Sarmiento said she wanted to check me up first before she will issue the new certificate.

So I went to her clinic, expecting a regular checkup. When she summoned me to her room, she waved at Mama as well. She wanted Mama to join me. I thought it odd, although I recall that during my last checkup, she also inquired about Mama and why she didn't join me in the room. Anyway, she asked me about my stitch, how I felt, etc. She then examined my wound and conducted IE. Then she told us to sit down and said, "I'm obviously trying to delay what I'm about to say."

Then she showed us the biopsy report from the lab and asked me if I had seen it. I said yes, and I have read it, but because of the technical and medical terms, I couldn't understand a thing. Ok, she said. The mass that was removed from me was given a biopsy procedure. She said they cut it up to many pieces and from each piece, they took a sample, placed it on a slide and looked at the sample through a microscope. There were 12 slides in all. Dra. Sarmiento said they found something inside the uterus. It was microscopic, not visible to the bare eye, but it was unmistakable.

It was cancer. Cancerous tumor on their early stages. I had cancer of the uterus.

At that point Dra. Sarmiento cried, even ahead of me. She was filled with emotion because she knew all the doctors who handled my case were guided by a Divine hand. They tried so hard to simply scrape the myoma but they couldn't do it; I was starting to bleed. They waited desperately for Mama during the operation (she was on her way to the hospital) because they thought I was too young to lose my uterus. But when Mama arrived, Mama told them the decision is theirs, whatever they think is best. She signed the waiver and allowed the doctors to do what's best. They decided to remove the uterus.

Doc was crying because she thought: What if she had decided to do something to save my uterus just to allow me to have another baby -- only to find out after the biopsy that she had signed my death sentence by saving it? What if she had retained the uterus, and had to cut me up again to remove it after finding out there were malignant cells in it? What if she had retained the uterus and someday I would come back to her bleeding profusely with the cancer spread out already? Or what if the pathologist was not thorough enough with his procedure and happened to have discarded the samples with the cancer cells on them? She said it could have been missed! It wasn't impossible if a lazy pathologist handled the job.

It was now clear why Makati Med was taking so long to release my hospital abstract and biopsy report. The pathologist who handled the case took care not to release information that will unduly distress a patient. After his findings, he referred the slides to the department head -- who was semi-retired and was no longer looking at slides, according to Dra, but he looked at them for a second opinion -- and the head agreed it was cancer in the early stage.

Dra. Sarmiento and the other doctor had removed my cancer without knowing it. I had the answer to my questions.

After the operation, I asked God why He didn't grant the petition that we were all praying for. All of us in the family and my friends were all praying for a simple myomectomy, to allow me to have another baby. I was wondering what life-changing purpose a large myoma had that God allowed it to grow in my uterus to steal away my happiness over a brother or a sister for Marthe. And now I know.

It's true, everything happens for a reason. And the reason is not always obvious at the start of a long process of understanding. But eventually, be it sooner or later, the reason will surface. And when it did for me, inside Dra. Sarmiento's clinic, all I managed to do was open my mouth, stare at my doctor and let tears streak down my face freely. I couldn't utter a word. I was more shocked at the sudden realization of why one thing led to another, than at the knowledge that I had cancer and it could have spread somewhere else.

For now, it was enough for me to know that it was there, in my uterus, and some medical angel had removed it without even knowing. I saw an oncologist after my session with Dra. Sarmiento and she assured me that the operation was indeed adequate, and that the cancer has been localized to the uterus and removed. No chemotherapy and additional cancer treatments required, and no likelihood of it spreading to my ovaries (which are still here inside me).

When I first heard the word "cancer", all the things I won't be able to do when I'm gone flashed in my mind and I panicked at the thought that there were plenty of things I would leave unaccomplished. But as the doctor explained to me that her oncologist friend said the hysterectomy was adequate to stop this kind of cancer, I realized I still have time. I won't wait until I have none.

Whatever happens in the future, this still serves as my second chance at life. I should choose my activities well and dream the dreams that are worth running after. I should take on hobbies that will fulfill my soul and relish the moments of every single day. I should nurture my friendships and deepen the ones that are quite shallow.

And I should continue to ask the questions that bug me, though they may remain unanswered for some time. Because God will give me the answer in the end. Only, He will give me the solution first, and then He will answer my question after He has solved my problem.